Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The perils of Kroger on a Tuesday

I have nothing against old people. I'm not an advocate of ageism, nor am I one of those hooligans who makes the lives of old people more difficult by moving their carts when they turn away. I also don't beat them up. I don't condone any of that behavior.

I also, though, hate shopping with old people.

And it seems that I have some kind of inner, psychological self-hatred because I always go grocery shopping at Kroger on Tuesday. This in itself does not sound like a terrible thing, but if you regularly shop at a Kroger [which I recommend highly if you have one -- they have the greatest sales (Kroger did not pay me to write that, but they can if they so choose)] then you know that Tuesday = Senior Citizen Day = hell for me.

It doesn't help that I live in the most affluent area in town (not sure how that happened seeing as I'm a college student working at Pizza Hut, but that's beside the point entirely) and that affluent people tend to be old. There are at least two retirement communities and two nursing homes within a five mile radius of my Kroger. It's terrible.

I never even remember to avoid the store until I pull in, see all the handicapped parking spots taken, and watch the elderly shoppers trekking to their cars at -3 miles per hour. I pull in, and I immediately want to turn around. But usually when I go grocery shopping I'm at the point where neither I nor my cat could survive any longer on what's in the fridge (usually expired milk and alcohol -- refrigerator of a college student for sure).

So I usually have to bite the bullet and shop amongst the slow and hard of hearing. It's difficult to weave in and out of the aisles when I'm running my cart into old people's carts as they stand and debate which brand of mayonnaise best suits their lifestyle and pocketbook that particular day. So I'm typically the grumpiest person in the store, except for that one asshole old lady in one of those wheelchair-cart things who looks like she hates her life. And you're just happy she's some other person's grandma, because it would suck if she were yours.

Save for that one lady, all the other old people are nice, smiley, and jolly and you wish they were your grandparents. So it's difficult to mutter insults at them -- because you just feel like a horrible person.

All in all, it is best for my sanity to avoid grocery shopping at Kroger on a Tuesday. But somehow, week after week, it tends to happen. I'm only saying all this to warn you of such perils if you're ever struck with the need to do your shopping at Kroger on a Tuesday. Don't do it. Don't.

What kinds of terrible shopping experiences have YOU encountered in your life?

10 comments:

  1. "And you're just happy she's some other person's grandma, because it would suck if she were yours."

    I've thought that way so many times about so many different people. Like if I deal with a particularly nasty customer at my job I always think, "Well, at least you're going home to somebody else tonight. I had to put up with you for a minute, but they got your sorry ass for a lifetime."

    Old people are kind of like dogs: cute, smelly, and they love to walk in front of you to trip you up.

    ~Shane

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pretty much. I like the cute old people who are super sweet and not in my way, but that's rare and I take grocery shopping seriously. It's like a war zone.

      Delete
  2. Oooh man is this what I have to look forward to when I move to Florida with all those retirement communities!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dude seriously! All the old people go to Florida!

      Delete
  3. I've given up with supermarket shopping for this reason. Ordering your shop online has saved me from a high blood pressure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Online GROCERY shopping? I'd never have to leave my apartment! Except for, like, work.. but who needs that?!

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  4. 1) People who gather in the aisles have emotional, lengthy reunions with their long-lost friends.

    2) People who don't even try to control their obnoxious, bratty kids.

    3) People who get to the register and then ask their spouse/kid to bo back and get some item from the far side of the store.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ALL OF THOSE THINGS.

      4) Everyone. :)

      Delete
  5. I have always been a Food City type of gal. Especially since the Kroger close to my house is crazy land. Only a special sort of person goes to this specific Kroger to spend their money.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Special person? Haha do I even want to know?!

      Delete

Your input is always appreciated. After all, I do this for the people...

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