Monday, March 12, 2012

A tribute to the greatest cat I'll ever know

Today, I went to the vet with Bitch Cat, my mother, and Bitch Cat's previous owner (who was kind enough to come say goodbye with us). I left the vet without my sweet girl and with a heavy heart, tear-streaked cheeks, and an odd sense of peace. Because I know she'll never suffer the pain of hunger, the inability to keep down food, or of stiff joints and old age. She'll never feel those things again -- and I am glad.

Putting Bitch Cat down is easily one of the hardest decisions I've ever made, and something I did not decide on lightly. It was decision several months in the making, and one about which I am comfortable (albeit very sad).

This post is a tribute to the sweetest, gentlest, silliest cat I've ever known, and one that will live in my heart forever.

Caught red handed! Possibly the first picture I ever took of Bitch Cat, 4/2010
I met Bitch Cat in January 2010, when my boyfriend at the time took her from his sister. His sister lived in a house with two other cats, two large dogs, and a lot of people. Bitch Cat, in her old age, was often picked on by the other animals and in general did not appreciate all the ruckus going on around her.

When my ex went out of town to college, he asked that I take her. He really guilt-tripped me into it, because he knew she'd end up in the Humane Society if I didn't do it. And who would have adopted an old cat who didn't get along with other animals? Well, I took her.. and over time, we developed a strong bond and relationship which I've never had with any other animal (or person, for that matter).

I loved her more than I've ever loved anything, but she still irritated the living daylights out of me sometimes. She begged for food, wanted to lay on me at the absolute WORST times (do homework deadlines mean nothing to felines?), and sometimes just stared at me for hours while I watched TV. I told her she was "so stupid" and "so dumb" very often, and I'm pretty sure from the way I said it that she thought I was calling her "beautiful" and "princess."

One of her first days at the apartment
Over the past two years, I've watched as my vibrant, energetic cat slowly lost weight, lost energy, and started spending most of her day sleeping on the couch. A few months ago, she started having litter box issues (which you can read about here) and became very selective in the food she ate. I watched as these problems only escalated, and ended up making the decision to peacefully end things. As a college student, I don't have the funds to pay for tests, medicine, etc. Doing these things would probably only prolong the inevitable, and I'm not even sure it would have done any good.

Bitch Cat was my very first cat, and really the first pet that I fully cared for on my own. She became my best friend. She was there for me through some of the roughest days of my life, as well as some of the best. I'll always look back on my first two years on my own with happiness because of all the joy she brought to my life. My only regret is that I could only be with her for the last two years of her life. Our time together was too short.
Bitch Cat's last picture ever | 3/12/2012

It's weird to know she's not here in the apartment with me now. At any moment, I expect for her to come and lay with me on my bed, or scratch at my door for attention. I expect her to come and greet me when I walk in to the living room, or to be drinking water from the toilet when I walk into the bathroom. But she isn't, and that is an adjustment that I will have to make.

I am just glad for all the photos, the videos, and the great memories I have with her. She was loved by so many people. My friends have all been really great and supportive. I wish that things didn't have to end -- ever -- but I know that life throws us fastballs sometimes, and it is up to us to decide on how to spin them.

Bitch Cat, you will always be missed. You will always be loved. You will always hold the most special place in my heart. I was extremely blessed to have been able to spend your last two years with you. Thank you for that chance.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Feelings are stupid

All my life, I've suffered from this inability to talk to guys I'm interested in.

Except for that one time, but that was an exception.

I always develop feelings about people who I just absolutely have no chance with. Right now, I'm absolutely enamored with a guy at school who I had a class with last semester. I don't even talk to him very much, or at all. But we're both communications majors, and I see him a lot. I just don't know how to start up a conversation with him.

We have one mutual friend, but I find it kind of awkward asking her to help me out. And plus, I really don't even know if we have anything in common or if he would even be interested. And we're graduating in May, so there's that too. I just hate having these feelings pop up every time I see him.

He's just very smart and funny in a dry, sarcastic kind of way that I really appreciate. And I dig that.

My friend told me to just start by becoming friends with him. I don't even know how to do that. I have spoken with him so little that it'd be weird if I just walked up to him and started talking about life, cats, whatever. Being a girl is lame, cuz if I was a guy and he was a girl I'd be on top of that. Not literally. Maybe. I don't know. Someone stop me, please.

At least I'm not stalking him. I did that in high school a little bit, and very much own up to the fact that I can be really creepy when I want to be. Social media doesn't help.